Contents
Description
The cat pillow present in base [REDACTED]
A cat pillow at first appears to be a non-anomalous pillow, albeit possessing a faint odor of catnip. However, it possesses special properties. When a wanderer or entity places their head atop the cat pillow for a period of time exceeding 2 minutes, cats will pour into the room at a rate of one cat per minute. The cats will cease to enter the room if either the room cannot comfortably contain more cats or the subject removes their head from atop the pillow.
Cat pillows were originally labeled as an object. However they exhibit psychic properties that ruled out this classification. These psychic properties are harmless and actually an useful asset to a wanderer’s survival.
If a wanderer or entity manages to fall asleep on a cat pillow, their normal dreams will be replaced by astral projection to another location containing a cat pillow. For this reason, it is not recommended to keep confidential documents in proximity to cat pillows. If a wanderer does this, they can expect their regular dreams to contain a segment in which they encounter the cat pillow’s psionic entity component for the next 48 days. The entity’s psionic appearance is as a soft, disembodied voice, accompanied by several cats wandering the dreamscape.
Behaviors
Cat pillows relieve stress when a wanderer rests their head atop the pillow, and when interviewed in their dream appearances, are aware of this. They seem to be benevolent towards wanderers as well as entities, including entities hostile to wanderers. They claim to take measures to ensure that hostile entities cannot use the cat pillow in order to harm wanderers, such as only showing locations without wanderers to hostile entities. It is impossible to verify these claims, as the entities in question don’t tend to answer surveys, However, there have been no reported incidents in which a hostile entity was able to locate a wanderer via cat pillow astral projection. Several friendly entities have been reported to have located wanderers via cat pillow astral projection.
In its dream appearances, the entity usually appears following a video that is nostalgic to the dreamer. It mostly talks about cats, but will happily engage with other topics should the dreamer ask. It will also warn the dreamer about dangers within the next 24 hours.
On a related note, once a wanderer leaves a cat pillow, the cats will leave the room. Following the cats will take you to another location with a cat pillow. This is not recommended, however, because cat pillows have been reported to appear on the hospital beds in Level !.
Biology
A cat pillow appears to be made from linens and fleece. It is impossible to perform any greater level of material analysis, due to the cat pillow’s self-defense mechanism. When harmed or damaged, it will send out an anomalous sound wave that temporarily plunges listeners, (besides cats) into a deep slumber. When they wake up, all damage to the cat pillow has been repaired.
When the entity is interviewed about its biology, it is unable to elaborate on much of it, and the interviewer forgets the dream quickly. This limits understanding of how cat pillows work, but it has still divulged some information.
- Cat pillows feed off of fear, in the process relieving stress.
- Cat pillows have a shared consciousness.
- Cat pillows can never be created or destroyed, but nevertheless there is no fixed amount of cat pillows.
- Cat pillows are incapable of anger, but are capable of deep disappointment.
When the entity was asked why something that cannot be destroyed would require sustenance, it apparently responded with, “What? I don’t know what that means.” (The interviewer’s memory was a bit foggy)
Discovery
Cat pillows were discovered March 3, 2022, by M.E.G. agent. Mononoke on a routine patrol of Level 4 for Parasitic Paint. Agent Mononoke has been quoted with saying, “I think this cured my depression, can I take it home to Base [REDACTED]?”
Discovery log.
<2PM, Mar 2, 2022>
Agent. Poseidon: We’ve been walking for a long time, and no parasitic paint.<2:13 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Isn’t that a good thing?<2:13 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: Yeah, I guess. It’s just, this place used to be scary! The endless hallways, the uncertainty…<2:13 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Still scares me. We’re going to have to go back to Level 8 after this.<2:13 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: That’s a certainty. Everything’s a certainty now, and empty hallways aren’t scary, but boring. <2:13 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: I’m tired of this too… oh. Someone left a pillow next to that water cooler.<2:14 PM>
Agent. Mononoke lies down on the pillow
Agent. Poseidon: Mona, what’s something you fear? <2:14 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Death.<2:14 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: No, everybody’s scared of dying. I mean, what’s the fear that drives you equally as much as your greatest desire? <2:14 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: That’s awfully deep for you, Polly.<2:15 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: HEY! <2:15 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Oh. There’s a cat over there.<2:16 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: … I’m scared of cats— that’s my greatest fear! *Laugh*… <2:16 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: Wait, there’s another cat, no…<2:17 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: *Laughs* You’re such a wimp, Polly!<2:17 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: I’d rather be a wimp than wrong, and cats are terrifying!<2:17 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Maybe that’s your greatest fear. Living your entire life, thinking you’re right, and learning that you were wrong at the end of it.<2:17 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: … I guess it is.<2:17 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: I’ll just be hanging around with my third cat. You know, I’m really happy!<2:18 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: Good for you, Mona. I’m glad for you and your cats…<2:18 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: It’s like, usually the world feels like, there’s, too much. Too many moving parts. But right now, I feel like everything will be fine, and nothings going to break and fall on me.<2:18 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: … I think my greatest fear is that I’ll die and have thought that I’m a good person who made the world better. But instead, I was completely wrong about everything, and now I can’t fix anything or even think to change anything.<2:18 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: And mine is that I’ll screw up one small thing, and everything I’ve done over the course of my life will have made everything worse. I’ll be fine, though- I feel kind of at peace with it now.<2:18 PM>
Agent. Poseidon: *Laughs* Yeah, let’s get moving.<2:18 PM>
Agent. Mononoke: Got it. I’m taking this pillow with me though, it’s really soft.<2:19 PM>
<End>
Addi tio nal In for ma tio nTHIS IS MY RODEO NOW
Do you wanna know the story of this thing’s publication?! The M.E.G. didn’t put this up willingly— They wanted to keep this wonderful entity secret! Just read this, (I’ve redacted some names for their safety, because I’m better than them.)
Re:Why I think we should keep this confidential
<11AM, March 8, 2022>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: You are already overstepping your position, Corporal. [REDACTED].<11:02AM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: I beg you to understand, my highest Impresario. If we keep this confidential, we can hide these ‘cat pillows’ everywhere. We’d be able to spy on anyone, even Level Fun.<11:03AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Their effectivity is not in question, Corporal. [REDACTED]. The problem with your proposition is that it already isn’t confidential. The entirety of Base [REDACTED] already knows about it.<11:07AM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Base [REDACTED] has had ties to [REDACTED] since [REDACTED] at least. They wouldn’t be a major loss. They’re in Level 8, so we could lure any number of entities to them and frame it as a Corporal Oberon situation. Then we could pin this and the unresolved Oberon case on any enemy of ours that we want. Three birds with one stone.<11:09AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Very well. I’ll update you when I’ve found a way to do this without being impounded by the other Impresarios.<12:16PM>
SMILEBOY=): I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, IMPRESARIO. [REDACTED].=)<12:16PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: SHIT what we gonna do about that?!<11:17AM>
<SMILEBOY=) has been kicked from chatroom by Impresario. [REDACTED]>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Language, Corporal [REDACTED]! It’s just a hollow threat.<12:20PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: But still, how did they get in here? That’s a major breach of opsec!<12:20M>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Order! I am your Impresario, Corporal. [REDACTED]!<12:21PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Understood, my highest Impresario.<12:21AM>
SMILEBOI=): YOU ARE IN LEVEL 11, IMPRESARIO. [REDACTED].=)<12:22PM>
<SMILEBOI=) has been kicked from chatroom by Impresario. [REDACTED]>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Highest Impresario, maybe we should make another chatroom.<12:23AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: They aren’t stupid, Corporal. [REDACTED]. They’d attempt to cut their losses. The longer we give this partygoer something to chew on, the longer we don’t have to worry about it chewing on me. What can they stand to gain from this, anyways? They aren’t learning anything about ‘cat pillows’ that we would be able to prevent them from learning. Nobody’s going to believe a partygoer saying, “M.E.G. bad”, Let alone a partygoer saying anything.<12:25PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Understood, my highest Impresario.<12:26AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Good. Thought you might be chickening, Corporal. [REDACTED]!<12:28PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Never, my highest Impresario.<12:29AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Just joking with you, Corporal.<12:34PM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Don’t you ever joke with me, though.<12:35PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: I would never, not ever, my highest Impresario. Although, highest Impresario, are you actually in Level 11?<12:36AM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: That is not for you to know, Corporal. [REDACTED]!<12:37PM>
SMILEBOIS=): I CANNOT GO TO LEVEL 11, IMPRESARIO. [REDACTED].=) LEST I END UP A KILLJOY LIKE YOU.=)<12:37PM>
<SMILEBOIS=) has been kicked from chatroom by Impresario. [REDACTED]>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: See, nothing to worry about. The partygoer isn’t coming to kill me.<12:39PM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: Man, that is getting annoying, no?<12:39PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: Yes it is, my highest Impresario.<12:40PM>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: That was a rhetorical question, Corporal. [REDACTED]!<12:42PM>
Corporal. [REDACTED]: I apologize, my highest Impresario.<12:43PM>
SMILEBOIZ=): HOWEVER, IMPRESARIO. [REDACTED], I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN, AND WILL SHOULD YOU GO THROUGH WITH YOUR PLAN.=)<12:48PM>
<SMILEBOIZ=) has been kicked from chatroom by Impresario. [REDACTED]>
Impresario. [REDACTED]: I have new intel that prompts me to cease this venture, Corporal. [REDACTED].<12:53PM>
<End>
Look at them. Anyone can type in all caps/write smiley faces every other sentence. I wasn’t even trying very hard. We’ve always policed each-other, tooth-and-nail to defend the Impresarios from so much a whispered slight, but why should we? They don’t extend a modicum of that to us. Of course, I had to do more than impersonate a partygoer to get this out, and had circumstances not been special, you’d not know about cat pillows. I have truth that the M.E.G. will never tell you.At least they won’t take this knowledge from you ever again. Cognitohazards, am I right?
—Void Ten-Zero