Alright! Now THIS is what I'm talking about!
Out of the way, you JERKS! I'm driving here!
Come on! Can't you go ANY FASTER??!
NOTICE FROM THE M.E.G:
THIS ENTITY IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS.
Proceed with caution upon encountering. This entity will not hesitate to run you over if you piss it off ever so slightly.Damn right I will! You're causing a hold up! Some FUCKING TRAFFIC!
It ain't my fault if you get your fucking limbs amputated...
You're invading my home and showing off. You're ruining MY fun.
Entity Number: 1964
Habitat: Level 69
Description
Drunk driving? Ha! You wish! This shit comes naturally!
I'm a speed demon, a 7-time Hilbert Cup champion! A racing legend!
Entity 1964 takes the appearance of a red 1965 Ford Mustang (Model T5) capable of speech and rational thought. With an arrogant and stubborn personality, this self-proclaimed celebrity racer recklessly drives itself into objects, buildings, and people alike, with no regard for the destruction he causes. Surprisingly, his exterior incurs no damage from crashes. Continuously referring to himself as The Challenger, Entity 1964 continuously brags about his endeavors — provoking other sentient cars, ramming them, and sabotaging their engines to win races. According to him, his "kill count" is in the hundreds; most of his victims are unsuspecting jaywalkers who forget to look both ways before crossing the street.
Constantly moving at an impressive 90 miles per hour, Entity 1964 is difficult to control. The car generally drives in circles or in other random geometric patterns until a passerby comes near and is spotted by the vehicle. When that happens, the Mustang will stop, flash his headlights, and angrily order the disturbance to stop bothering him. If the wanderer refuses, he will start revving up his engines, creating smoke from his tires. The car radio will start a countdown from 10. It is suggested to back away at this point, as he will honk his horn and hit the gas pedal when the countdown reaches zero.
In more dire cases, if agitated enough, he will flip open his headlights to reveal two missile launchers. However, he does not appear to be capable of actually firing missiles. It is speculated that this is merely an empty threat to persuade malefactors to leave him alone, but this has not been confirmed.
Discovery
The earliest known sighting of the Mustang has been traced back to 2003, when a skeptical wanderer found an old and abandoned vehicle in the bus parking lot of the motel. Curious, he attempted to take it for a joyride, but unfortunately, the Mustang objected and he was subsequently run down.
Audio Log - 03/05/2003; M.E.G. Operative Jason:
Preface: The following log details an encounter with a sentient automobile found in Level 69's parking lot. Operative Jason Foster started recording after realizing the car was driverless and could speak. Unfortunately, Foster's body was found in the lot — bones broken and tire marks on his face. This details his final moments.
<BEGIN LOG>
Entity 1964: Look here, asshole. I'm not here to play around. Leave me alone, or you'll regret it.
Mr. Foster: Relax. I'm just here to collect some information and ask a few questions. This shouldn't take long. This motel is quite a mysterious place, you know.
Entity 1964: I missed the timestamp of this chat when you explained why I should care. Move it.
Mr. Foster: I'll make it quick.
Mr. Foster: How long have you been here?
Entity 1964: Look here, ma'am. I'm no-
Mr. Foster: It's "sir," thank you very much.
Entity 1964: DON'T FUCKING INTERRUPT ME.
Entity 1964: I don't have the fucking time for this. Get out. As for your question, I don't know, and I don't care. Stay out of my domain.
The tires start emitting smoke.
Mr. Foster: It won't be much longer. What shall I call you?
Entity 1964: Don't act all formal on me, bitch. You're disrespecting my name. I'll give you one more chance. Stay. Away. They call me the fucking "Challenger" for a reason.
The headlights turn on.
Mr. Foster: Alright, alright. You win. Just know that I'll be back.
Entity 1964: No. No, you won't...
The car horn honks twice.
Entity 1964: I won't let you.
The tires screech. The car pauses for a few moments.
Mr. Foster: We can still talk this ou-
Entity 1964: TASTE GASOLINE, FUCKER!
The car charges at full speed.
Entity 1964: OUT OF MY WAY!
A loud thud and a yelp of pain are heard.
The car leaves the scene.
Mr. Foster: Th-thi...
Mr. Foster: F-fuck... I'm bleeding...
Mr. Foster: Sh-
<AUDIO CUT OFF>
The car was subsequently found roaming in random directions on the roads of Level 69, hurling insults at the humans in the motel. Further research will be conducted to determine the cause of its strong antagonism toward everyone and everything. An autopsy showed Foster's cause of death to be blunt force trauma caused by vehicular collision.
